MUM, I'VE GOT TO GO



"You've been dead 6 months now; I'm busy"

PARABNORMAL



"I can see ghosts"

TIM IS ON MY SIDE



"If anyone gives you any trouble, you just tell me.

I can't do anything to help, but please tell me anyway."

WESTERNER KILLED BY MILITANT MUSLIMS WHILE ASKING THE WAY TO PAKISTAN'S CAPITAL CITY



"He kept just repeating 'Islamabad...Islamabad', and they didn't seem to like it", an eyewitness said.

CAMILLA, PARKER BOWLS FIRST



"Ok, but I'm next"



BEST BLOG EVER?




Where to begin? The combination of near-Nazi levels of hatred for just about everyone ("Ginger people, does the world need them?", "The Polish - why?") and creepy musings on the rival attributes of female GMTV presenters ("Andrea McLean - best looking GMTV bird?", "Kate Garraway vs Penny Smith") is awesome. He's also disabled, not that that excuses anything.

TIM TRAVELER



"I've joined a group of traveling carnival folk based in Norfolk"

CHEVY, CHASE



"Who should I go after?"

CELEBRITY MATHS

+ =


GUARDIAN HEADLINES








Russia invades Georgia - "Is The Wire the best TV show ever?"



Britain wins record Olympic medal haul - "Why The Wire is the best TV show ever"



Gary Glitter released from prison - "The Wire, The Wire, the Wire!"

CLEAN BILL OF HEALTH



Former US president Bill Clinton has finally been declared free of the venereal diseases that plagued him through the 90s.

WATCH OUT OBAMA! I'M A SWING STATE



"I love SWV"

THE MILK OF HUMAN KINDNESS



"I love everyone, and would do absolutely anything for them. That even includes anyone who's thinking about drinking me"

I'M BOTH ECSTATICALLY HAPPY AND TOTALLY INNUMERATE



You could say I'm on cloud eight

HITLER TOLD TO PLAY UP NAZI PAST BY X FACTOR



They told him to "try to make the war sound really sad", the young Austrian says; "play up the generals you lost and stuff".

Producers Talkback Thames have totally denied the incident ever happened.

POWER DRESSING



"I could crush you with my bare hands if I wanted"

CARBON COPY



"Whatever other elements are doing, I just do the same"

THE CAMERA NEVER LIES



"I'm just so honest, sometimes it gets me into trouble"

PARTING SHOT



"Help! I'm bleeding!"

EVERYTHING BRYAN ADAMS DOES IS STILL DONE FOR YOU



August 2008: Over 17 years after he first penned his record breaking hit,"Everything I do, (I do it for you)", Canadian soft rocker Bryan Adams still wants every member of the general public to know that everything he does, he still very much does for you, in general terms.

He feels that in recent years sales have dwindled, and everyone should be reminded of the sincere promise he made.

THYME TRAVELLER



"I' ve just been to Goa for two months, and in October I'm off to Cuba for a year"

STEP BACK IN THYME



"I went off it when I was younger, but now I love this herb again"

ONE SMALL STEP FOR MANN



"I'm a big fan of the "Heat" director's work"


THIRD TIM LUCKY






"I won the lottery"

NICK OF THYME



"I was raised by this herb"

I'M GOING TO RAISE THE ROOF (LIKE MY OWN)



Since his parents tragically died, I've felt that it's my moral duty.